I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
