1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
