were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
