I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
