So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
