Are you still at the party or did I leave?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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