you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
