benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
