I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
