I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
