I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
