what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Randomize
