You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
