Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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