I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
and she was petting her beer can
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Boobs are out for the taking
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
