Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
