Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
