dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
