How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
