She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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