she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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