My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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