Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
