LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
