Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
