i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
