there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
