P.S. I can't hear my feet
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
