we're chasing vodka with high fives
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Randomize
