Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
