she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
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