his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
