the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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