my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
