We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Randomize
