well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
