He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize