this is something i pride myself on being below average for
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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