he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
