We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Randomize
