I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
