so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
