Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
