Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
