My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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