I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
