it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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