My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
