She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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