You're completely useless in the revolution.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
