so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
