the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
