Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
We are all done wearing pants today
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
