So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
