I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
