She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
