How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
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