Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Randomize
