im about as happy as oj after his trial
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
