I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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