she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
