i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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