I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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