you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
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i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
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Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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