How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
