I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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